The holiday season is upon us. Is it a happy time full of celebrations with family and friends or a lonely time filled with memories of days passed?
For many years, I dreaded the holidays.
They were just random dates on the calendar.
It was the early years of my son’s illness. A time when hope was lost and happiness was a fleeting memory.
While friends were gathering, we were home alone, watching movies that no longer held the same magic. Time stood still for us while life continued without hesitation for everyone around us. We weren’t the first to experience such upheaval, and we won’t be the last.
During those dark days, I fought to find ways to be happy and restore hope in the future. It was the only way forward.
I started by cultivating happiness in everyday moments so my son would focus less on the difficult times. I knew that harnessing hope was a means to an end. If doubts swirled in my mind, I quickly let them go. I couldn’t ask him to have hope if I couldn’t find a way to maintain it myself.
Three ways to train yourself to be hopeful and happy
Let go of limiting beliefs
Bedtime was a cherished time in our house. Always engaged by books, my son looked forward to hearing the latest adventure. But during his illness, sleep became increasingly difficult, and many nights, I read for hours, hoping to ease his symptoms and his mind. Before he became ill, he’d often interrupt and ask why a character was acting a certain way or what was coming next ( a hint he would one day become a writer, perhaps).
I would remind him to be patient and let the story unfold.
This advice would hold in many ways.
But during the long, restless nights of his illness, he interrupted with different questions. They usually started with, “Hey, Mom?” His tone told me that his mind had drifted from the story, and the next question would be unrelated to the book.
“Am I going to get better?”
My heart would sink. I knew at that moment I could not hesitate to answer. While I didn’t know how or when he would get better, I truly believed he would, and that’s exactly what I told him. Over and over again, for years.
I needed to help him stop the limiting beliefs attempting to take hold of his developing mind. I knew that if either of us doubted his ability to get well, the road to healing would be much more difficult.
Replace fear with strength.
When faced with a situation that is out of your control, it’s easy to get lost in the fear of the unknown. Thoughts can spiral from bad to worse. What ifs replace when. But if you focus on strength versus fear, you can begin to awaken a new kind of resourcefulness and fearlessness.
Resilience begins to grow.
It’s not always a straight line, but you can contend with the fear and ultimately set it aside by understanding how to access your inner strength. We all have it.
One way to do this is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It seems simple, but it’s the basis of creating change.
Because my son was so young, I kept it simple and utilized positive affirmations. You can create a mantra or statement that resonates with you. Whenever fear creeps in, repeat the mantra.
As my son drifted off to sleep, I read a list of his strengths and skills, imprinting his subconscious every night with positive thoughts. I knew that repeating positive thoughts could strengthen neural pathways that could build resilience. Some nights, I repeated a list of affirmations for an hour or more because I knew I needed them just as much as he did.
I am healthy.
I am strong.
I am safe and protected.
I will persevere.
Be consistent
As time passed, my son became aware of my many new strategies to harness hope and create happiness. While he often questioned if positive thoughts would lead to positive change, I remained consistent in my practice and reiterated why it was necessary.
I explained what I was learning about neural activity and the idea that changes in your thoughts and how you think can affect changes in how your brain works.
While researching neuroplasticity to better understand the various treatments available to him, I understood that neurons that fire together in a particular way can lead to changes in neural structure. I was fascinated to learn that areas of the brain could be strengthened through changes in thoughts. It seemed far-fetched initially, but the more I studied, the more I knew it was possible.
One study involving taxi drivers in London helped me understand more than others. The study followed drivers who needed to memorize the spaghetti-like streets of the city to obtain their taxi licenses. At the end of the driver’s training, researchers observed changes in the hippocampus of the driver’s brain - the part involved in visual-spatial memory. Researchers found their focus on memorizing and studying the street maps led to changes in the structure of that part of the brain.
Similar results had been observed with people who meditate regularly.
These studies convinced me that changes in your mind can lead to changes in your brain.
And that was enough to regain the hope I had lost.
As new research in neuroplasticity and the ‘science of happiness’ continues, I’m even more convinced that we can change our lives by changing our thoughts. We know gratitude and mindfulness can lead to changes in neural networks; as the Canadian scientist Donald Hebb noted, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
While my son’s journey to healing would take far longer than anticipated, harnessing hope during the slow and arduous process was a key to regaining happiness.
The steps taken can be utilized in any adverse situation. They don’t require special training or expensive classes, but they demand a conscious effort and a belief that change is possible.
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with friends and click the ❤️ button below so more people can discover it on Substack.🙏🏻
Launch day is coming December 8th!
I’m honored to be a part of this multi-author book! On Launch Day, receive a digital download for just $ .99 and help put this new title on the top of self-improvement books available on Amazon. If interested, please comment “Count me in,” and I’ll send you the link!
The paperback version will be available later this month.
Until next week, be mindful and stay safe.
“Replace fear with strength” absolutely the way to proceed. Great post, thank you for sharing your journey with us & congratulations on being in the book!
Count me in!