I Failed At Mindfulness and How I Found What Worked For Me

Photo courtesy of Chen Mizrach on Unsplash

In my 20s, I was a workaholic climbing a corporate ladder with little room for young females. When I wasn’t working, I was training for my first marathon.

I didn’t meditate, and mindfulness was the topic of the latest New York Times best-selling book that I hadn’t read.

I was driven to succeed and never considered the potential cost of 80-hour work weeks. I also had little concern for balance, boundaries, or self-care.

Until my body shut down and my life collapsed around me.

My path to living mindfully was nonexistent for the first 25 years.

Even after I became ill and left my corporate job, I struggled to understand mindfulness and how it would benefit me. But when I could no longer run because of my illness, I had to find a way to clear my mind.

Meditation was far too quiet, and my mind raced with a list of to-do items. Since there was no Calm app, I was left to my own devices.

I tried and failed many times.

I longed for the adrenaline high that came with running while listening to my favorite mix of music.

I tried yoga, but sitting on a mat in a quiet, darkened room full of people was the farthest thing from relaxing.

But when your body gives up, your mind is forced to do the heavy lifting. I had no choice but to change.

That’s when I finally learned there are many ways to practice mindfulness, and the benefits far outweigh a corner office or the latest sports car.

If you’ve struggled with the meaning of mindfulness, consider this simple definition:

Mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judging them.

That’s all.

It doesn’t require a degree or force you to sit silently for an hour.

Mindfulness asks you to be present.

• It asks you to be aware of your surroundings.

• It asks you to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings.

That may sound easier. But it’s still not for everyone.

If you’re unsure about the benefits of mindfulness, my goal today is only to change how you think about it.

What you do next is up to you.

The good news is that mindfulness can be achieved in many ways through activities that don’t involve sitting in silence and repeating OM. (although it can be helpful while meditating).

Activities such as:

• Writing or journaling

• Painting, photography, or another creative art

• Deep breathing/ Breathe work

• Qigong or Tai Chi

• Playing a musical instrument or using music therapy

• Riding a horse or walking your dog

• Hiking or biking

• Walking in nature

I studied with coaches and mentors for years and took hundreds of classes. I regularly practiced Yoga, Pilates, and Qigong, utilized breathwork, music therapy, and walking meditations, and walked my dogs thousands of miles. I’ve written in journals for most of my life, attempted to learn how to draw and paint, learned to crochet, and tried to knit. I’ve collected hundreds of seashells while walking along beautiful coastlines.

What I learned formed the right mix of mindfulness activities for me.

I knew that to create real change in my life; the change had to become a habit or a part of my daily routine.

It had to make sense and add value.

Mindfulness did just that once I found a combination of sustainable activities.

When I teach others about mindfulness, I first ask them to let go of their preconceived notions of it.

Why Learn Mindfulness

My reason for practicing mindfulness will be different than yours.

I started when I lost everything and needed to find calm from external situations I couldn’t control.

I needed to focus on the present and silence the noise that enveloped me.

Learning to practice mindfulness saved me when I needed a lifeline. But learning to live mindfully can benefit anyone, even if you’re cruising through life with few challenges.

Where to Start

1. Set aside 10 minutes daily, five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening.

2. Commit to mindfulness as soon as you wake up by noticing your thoughts and feelings.

Don’t question them.

Observe them — while in bed, in the shower getting ready for your day, or on your morning walk or run.

That’s it.

If being mindful is a new concept, you don’t have to do anything else. You’re on your way!

On Your Way But Stuck?

If you’re trying to get back on track or expand your current practice, consider five ways to support a mindful lifestyle.

1. Write it down

If you hope to change something in your life, write it down—in a journal, on your computer, or in a note on your phone.

Find what works for you and do it every day.

You’re actively participating in the change by writing what you intend, not just thinking about it.

2. Set a realistic target

Life is busy and can get in the way of your intentions. Once you set a target, monitor your progress by checking in with yourself every day.

Did you have a particular observation or feeling? If you had a breakthrough, jot it down! You’ll want to revisit it later.

3. Share your intention

If you’re comfortable sharing your intention, do so with a friend or family member. An accountability buddy can help you stay focused and consistent.

If you’re like me and want to keep your intentions to yourself, use a journal and set a reminder if needed.

4. Revisit your intentions regularly

Decide to start and end each day by being mindful. If you wrote your intentions down, read them out loud when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Reading them helps create a habit of being mindful.

Mindfulness is not a ‘set it and forget it’ activity. Mindfulness is a practice that requires practice.

5. Celebrate the progress you’ve made

If you intend to walk 30 minutes three times a week, celebrate when you achieve this goal. Give yourself credit for the time you invested, and note how it made you feel.

Change Is Not Easy

When we try to change something in our lives, we often feel uncomfortable, like a new pair of shoes you need to break in.

I remember the first time I walked into a Yoga studio. I was a runner who liked solo, aerobic workouts. All I needed was a good pair of sneakers and music. Yoga was a new world for me: mats, bolster pillows, poses, quiet, and people. To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement.

But, I let myself feel uncomfortable. I gave myself the time and the space to grow, and I was mindful of each step in the process.

I learned that I prefer to exercise alone, whether walking, doing Pilates, or yoga.

I came to that realization by being mindful of the process.

Reconsider How You Think About Mindfulness

Mindfulness is not what you may think.

Mindfulness is:

• Taking a break

• Being in the present moment

• Observing your thoughts and feelings without judging them

• Slowing down

• Finding peace

• Cultivating calm

Mindfulness is what you need it to be.

If you’ve tried to practice mindfulness but found it difficult, you’re not alone.

Try again. The first step:

Just Breathe.

photo courtesy of Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

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xo Tracy