Making Hard Decisions Is Part Of Being A Parent

Soulful Sunday #9 for March 12, 2023

Mar 12, 2023

Welcome to Soulful Sunday #9

If you recently subscribed to The Power of Change, welcome, and thanks for spending a few minutes of your day with me.

Here’s what I have for you this week:

I. Making Hard Decisions Is Part Of Being A Parent

II. Master Your Monday - A quote that inspires or makes you think.

III. Vision For You - An idea, image, or belief to help you create a vision for your life.

IV. Reading Recommendations - curated resources from some of the talented writers I know.

I. Making Hard Decisions Is Part Of Being A Parent

In March 2020, the world came to a screeching halt. Families with school-aged children were scrambling to navigate remote learning while working from home.

When the school year ended, there was a collective sigh of relief and hope in September, schools would reopen. That didn’t happen, and for most families, the struggle continued for another year.

It was not ideal.

My family had already lived in this scenario for three years. The pandemic didn’t change anything for us.

Education through illness

My son became ill at the end of fifth grade. Because his illness was so sudden, he missed the last two weeks of school and was unable to return in September to begin middle school.

In addition to the concerns about his illness, I worried about his education. He was always a great student and loved to learn, but how would he do so without attending school?

The administration and dedicated teachers at the small private school he had attended for years were very supportive. Together we designed a way to continue his education at home.

For three years, teachers and tutors would come to the house when he was well enough. In between, my parents and I worked with him to cover the course material necessary each year. We didn’t take vacations because of his illness, so he did schoolwork all year whenever he was able.

As a parent, you do what you need to for your children. But I never thought I would take on the role of teacher.

When his friends were visiting high schools to determine where they would attend next, we were visiting doctors out of state where he was receiving ongoing treatment. If you missed the article about my son’s illness, and the journey for answers, you can read it here.

His health was the priority at the time, but concerns about his education kept me up many nights as well. Although I knew he was too ill to attend school, I registered him at the local high school and hoped we could make it work as we had at his last school.

I soon realized that would not be the case. Despite lengthy medical reports and educational assessments that outlined his illness and educational needs in detail, there were few attempts to work with him.

For my son, who never struggled with school before his illness, adjusting to his new limitations was difficult. Trying to learn in the traditional way, remotely, quickly sucked the life out of him.

Within weeks, I saw my curious, intelligent child lose the desire to learn or even to try.

It was difficult to watch him battle his illness daily, but watching him lose interest in learning was worse. He was a voracious reader who devoured books and loved history, but any mention of school now made him bristle.

The situation was disheartening on many levels, especially as I had advocated for months, meeting with the School Superintendent regularly to ensure we had a plan that would work.

I came to understand that, like his illness, it was ultimately up to me to find a way forward educationally.

When you have children, you understand there will undoubtedly be tough times. It’s part of life. Was I prepared for my son’s illness and his inability to attend school?

No, but parents face hard decisions every day. I needed to figure it out.

A leap of faith

Four months after starting high school, I made the decision to unenroll my son and register him as a homeschooled student.

It was a leap of faith and a decision I did not take lightly.

I knew I needed help.

Through one of my son’s doctors, I found an educational consultant that worked with students with chronic illnesses. She was well-versed in the challenges of educating students with health issues and joined me in this new effort.

One of his amazing tutors, who had been working with him for years, also was committed to helping in any way she could.

To say we were blessed that these educators joined us was an understatement. They have become like family and supported us in so many ways.

During the first months, I felt completely unprepared, but I knew that my son deserved the opportunity to learn and grow like every other student.

He needed to find his love of learning again.

The road forward was filled with potholes, but together, we learned to pivot and adjust as needed.

Each day started with a plan for that day. We didn’t think ahead.

We’ve continued this way for more than 2,100 days (nearly six years).

Hindsight is 20/20

Making the decision to homeschool was the best decision we made.

Not only has my son regained his curiosity about life and the opportunities that lie ahead, but he has had the chance to explore his interests and talents in a way that was not possible in a traditional setting.

He developed skills he never knew he had and finetuned his strengths.

He wrote his first science fiction novel, which is currently in the process of being edited. The second book in the series is almost done as well.

While conducting research for the settings, characters, and plots of his stories, he has gained knowledge that surpasses many aspects of the high school curriculum.

Homeschool Benefits

Homeschooling made me realize that the traditional education system in the US is not what every student needs. In fact, the US education system is failing many students. Declining test scores are just one of the many metrics that support a need for change.

On the contrary, homeschooling offers many benefits:

Parents have the freedom to customize a child’s education and create a curriculum that meets their individual needs.
Typical learning pathways can be redesigned to bring out the best in their children.
Customizing a child’s education gives the child the opportunity to uncover their strengths, interests, and talents by exploring the world around them in a different way.
Parents can create an educational experience that encompasses the academic, social, and family values important to them while working within schedules that fit their needs.
Families can expand their definition of education to include shared life experiences beyond academics and ‘book learning.’ My son is now a great cook!
Children expand their curiosity beyond the structure of course outlines.
While homeschooling is generally done at home, many families take their learning on the road, providing even more opportunities for their children.

Although homeschooling is legal in all 50 states, not every state is friendly to homeschoolers. It’s up to parents to understand and follow their state’s homeschool laws and advocate for their children’s rights if there is an issue.

Last year more than 3.1 million students were homeschooled in the US, and more families are making the decision to homeschool every year.

Would I do it again? Absolutely.

Taking an alternative approach to education was never my plan, but I’m often reminded that the best plans are often those you never intended.

II. Master Your Monday - A quote that inspires or makes you think.

Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses, and disappointments.

-Joseph Addison

Joseph Addison was an English poet, essayist, and playwright who lived in the late 17th century. He was spot on when he wrote this line.

Many times in life, pain, loss, or disappointments teach us lessons that we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. Those lessons are blessings in disguise.

III. Vision - An idea, image, or belief to help you create a vision for your life.

Often, we are made to believe that being vulnerable is a weakness. I don’t see it that way. I think being vulnerable is being human.

Have you ever considered that your vulnerability is part of what sets you apart and makes you who you are today? Don’t be afraid to show the world who you truly are.

Strengths and limitations go hand in hand. Everyone has both.

IV. Reading Recommendations - curated resources from some of the talented writers I know.

While I was working on this week’s edition, I read a story by a talented writer and mentor, Ayodeji Awosika. In a recent article, he so keenly wrote about child-like wonder. It’s so appropriate to my topic this week that I wanted to share his thought:

Children are bold and curious, but over time they learn to be self-conscious. School teaches you to associate learning with avoiding mistakes instead of experimenting and being okay with being wrong.

You learn what you’re told to learn, not what you want to learn. You’re told what to want as an adult. You’re stacked in comparison to your peers. By the end of it all, most people are burned out on learning and never go back to it.

Following your natural curiosity re-trains your mind to love learning again, just like when you were a kid. Once it’s restored, you’ll be well on your way to building your creative empire.

-Ayodeji Awosika

The full text of Ayodeji’s article can be found here.

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