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For many parents, the day their children are born ranks high on their list of most important days. It’s been in my #1 spot for 19 years.
Because I have one child, my approach to parenting may be different from yours. Celebrating special moments as well as the ordinary parts of a day has always been a priority. I savored mundane activities because I wouldn’t get a ‘do over’ with the next child.
Being an older first-time parent also gave me a different perspective than those who had children in their 20s or early 30s. I had traveled, lived in other places, and enjoyed a successful career. I was ready for parenthood.
Celebrations
When you’re part of a large Italian family, celebrating birthdays with the family is the norm. From small milestones in the early years—first smile, first steps, first words—to larger milestones—academic and sports achievements to graduations.
Parties are held at home, with too much food, homemade cake, and lots of laughter. Extended family and close friends are always invited and welcomed.
After becoming a single parent shortly before my son’s fifth birthday, my family made even more of an effort to support us.
Due to the sudden upheaval in our lives, I needed a little help pulling off a pirate-themed event for fifteen 5-year-olds. When my cousin, who lived 3000 miles away, heard my plan, she and her boyfriend, who worked in the music and theater businesses, volunteered to help and said they’d be home for the party. What could have been a difficult day turned into a fabulous festive pirate celebration thanks to their help.
Each year, whether we celebrated with 10 or 30, birthdays became a way to show my son how grateful I was to be his Mom.
Cards usually contained a short essay or a listicle (no wonder he’s a writer, too):
The many reasons I Love You
12 Ways You Made Me Proud This Year
8 Lessons You Taught Me…
Lasting Memories
For eleven years, we made lasting memories.
Then things changed.
I have few pictures from birthdays #12 - #17. For six years, we quietly celebrated with my parents or my Mom after my Dad’s passing. Too sick to eat cake or a special meal, a birthday was another day, often spent watching a movie in his bedroom. Despite the challenges, I looked for ways to make each birthday memorable in some small way.
On his 14th, at the height of his illness, I ordered a ‘book cake’ to celebrate the completion of his first young adult fiction novel, which he began writing the previous year. He couldn’t enjoy the cake, but he smiled when he saw the title of his book on the side of the cake.
That smile was enough to keep me going that year.
I understood the request to skip his birthday those years. He didn’t see a reason to celebrate the difficult path he was on.
But there were many reasons to celebrate him.
Although years disappeared into a black hole, I never skipped birthdays. On his 18th, feeling well and getting stronger, the celebration returned. I didn’t listen when he asked me to skip it again. Instead, I promised it would be the last party for a while and asked him to indulge in my need to celebrate his courage, resilience, and all he had accomplished.
As part of birthday #19, I’m sharing 19 ways my life has been enriched since becoming a parent.
To my son: 19 ways you improved my life during the last 19 years
You provide endless reasons to smile and laugh every day.
You remind me what gratitude means - I’m so thankful to be your Mom.
You make me laugh like no one else can.
You light up a room and my heart with your smile.
You embrace life and its challenges like a seasoned pro, inspiring me to face every challenge head-on. You observed what resilience looked like from those around you and made it a part of your life.
You reinforced the importance and benefits of being present each day.
You taught me the joy of simple pleasures—collecting stones wherever we went, browsing bookstores (except the time you ran off and hid when you were three), playing endless card games, and watching the Red Sox (even when they lost).
You introduced me to movies, books, and documentaries I never would have considered. And you expertly analyzed the plot and storyline along the way. (even when you were nine years old).
You reminded me how fun it is to get wet when it rains or dirty when you work.
You taught me to love the cold and snow (even though I prefer the beach), and how to build snow forts that last weeks. In return, I taught you how fun (and necessary) making snow angels is at any age. And don’t forget the snowball fights.
You helped me with my earliest DIY home improvement projects and fell in love with building, fixing, and creating. Now you’re teaching me!
You spent endless hours in the kitchen, watching, helping, keeping me company, and creating your own classics. Are you cooking tonight?
You provide unconditional love, compassion, and kindness when my health condition flares and I can’t be the Mom you’re used to. Your empathy reminds me that children learn what they live.
You entertain me as we travel endlessly for medical appointments and treatments. While most parents hope to get a few words between video games, you’ve always been more interested in conversation, whether it’s about who would play the characters in the movie version of your books, the latest trends in homebuilding, or the characteristics of your favorite classic trucks. I cherish every conversation!
You proudly celebrate our Italian heritage through food, culture, family traditions, and language (and keep the dream alive that we’ll one day have a place there).
You taught me that anything is possible through hard work, determination, faith, and perseverance. You encourage me when I need a pep talk and remind me that you’ve been listening all these years.
You never complain about sharing “Remy duties,” proving that you know the importance of commitment and responsibility. Your future dogs will thank you.
You remained by Papa and Gracie’s side, showing them what true love means despite the heartbreak of saying goodbye.
You continue to share your thoughts, hopes, goals, and dreams for the future with me. You include me in your life and don’t mind hanging out with me. (the best gift you can give a parent or loved one).
Happy Birthday to my one and only, and thank you for making me a Mom. I couldn’t be prouder of you and promise to keep future celebrations low-key. xoxoxo
Until next week, be mindful and stay safe. If you’re a parent, consider the ways your children have improved your life. But don’t stop there. Be sure to tell them, too!
Tracy xo
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My goal is to expand the community of The Power of Change to 10,000+ strong💪 and help improve lives in the process.
To help those questioning the direction their life is headed or those looking for inspiration for the next step.
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I grew up in a large Italian American family and can relate to the parties, the food, the love. And, that at times how important it is to insulate when the needs of our children, takes precedence.
Happy birthday to your amazing son. And cheers to you, Momma.
This is so lovely. What a unique and special relationship you have. Happy 19th Birthday to your sweet kid who isn't a kid anymore.