29 Comments
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Holly's avatar

As an eye doctor, I’ve had patients cry in my chair more times than I can count. Going to the doctor always brings up some sort of emotion, even if it has nothing to do with the visit.

Here for you, Tracy. I see you. I'm sorry about your Dad. Sometimes these moments are to keep his memory alive.

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James Bailey's avatar

“While I know I have friends and family who would have stepped up had I asked for a ride this past week, asking for help can be challenging, too, especially when chronic illness forces you to ask more than most.”

Tracy, having had similar thoughts in the past, what has served me is to remember that countless friends and family “thank me” for asking them to help, telling me it is a gift to them vs. the burden I perceive it to be.

They’ve taught me that my perspective of thinking it would “cost” them some of their precious time is far from the truth. Rather, they tell me time and again it fills them up with gratitude, nourishing them as they can be of service to someone they love.

I suspect time spent with you would bring them immeasurable joy - even if they looked a little blurry :)

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

James, a friend said these exact words to me today. Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it so much.

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Christine Higgins's avatar

Thinking of you ❤️

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thanks Christine. Likewise.

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Erin Miller's avatar

Oh, how grief cycles. And we don't talk about what it takes to live alone nearly enough. This was beautifully written and I'm so glad you shared it.

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you, Erin. I appreciate your perspective.

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Marjorie Pezzoli's avatar

Awwwwh Tracy, if I lived close to you I would give you a ride in a heartbeat. I completely understand how grief rises up unexpectedly.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I have learned the power of my tears and let them flow freely. Sometimes they burn, other times feel soft… very interesting how different emotions change them. From one Daddy’s girl to another- Big time massive (((hugs))). I know we miss their hugs, laughter, & wisdom the most + so much more.

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you, Marjorie. I know you understand this all too well and I appreciate the difference in the types of tears.

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Paulette Bodeman's avatar

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, Tracy. Grief shows up at times when we least expect it.

I remember when my folks passed within 8 months of one another. They lived to 90-years old. know they lived long lives and I was blessed to have them with me for so many years. But when people, out of wanting to say something supportive, pointed that out to me, it fell flat. Loss and grief hurts like hell and takes the time it takes. Sending you loving thoughts.

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you, Paulette. That means so much. And while my father lived to just shy of his 89th birthday, it's still not easy to lose a loved one. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

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Paulette Bodeman's avatar

It is never easy. Be well, my friend.

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you, Paulette. Wishing you the same always.

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Doreen's avatar

I’m sending you a hug every single day. Lots of love and healing, beautiful beautiful soul. X

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you for the virtual hug and healing thoughts.

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Larry Huber's avatar

Give yourself a pass. Things don't always happen as we planned. I have had friends cancel at the last minute too.

You knew there were options if you had a clear head to process things. Anniversaries of death are troubling for a long time and they consume us far more than we care to admit. But, they eventually lose some of their sting. Don't feel bad when you realize one day that the anniversary didn't overwhelm you. It was just your Dad telling you that he was okay with you moving on.

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Larry, thank you for this perspective. Although I know it was my father's time to leave, those who are left behind need time to process that passage. I am fortunate that I feel my father's presence often and I know he would not want me to grieve but remember him with love.

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Kathy Napoli's avatar

Sincerely I am sorry for your loss. 🌹

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you, Kathy.

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Robin Azzollini's avatar

Thinking of you and your wonderful Dad. I love you and wish we lived closer. 💔

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

I love you and wish we lived closer too. My dad was like yours and I'll never forget the night we were all together.

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Monica Kmetz Cochran's avatar

Sending healing thoughts your way— grief does come in waves in the most unexpected ways ❤️ please be gentle with yourself around this anniversary time 🫂🫂

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Thank you Monica! I'm doing just that.

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Jeff's avatar

I just had a check up. Two disturbing things. 1)A glare test. I had a real problem seeing the chart.2) Early signs of potential glaucoma. I return Dec. 17.

It is very disturbing. I feel vulnerable.

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Tracy Mansolillo's avatar

Best wishes that it is not serious.

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Jeff's avatar

Thank you , Tracey. The Rx didn't seem alarmed, but there is something very personal about eyes. I remember a line from a prayer in Psalms. He's praying God will, "Guard me as you would guard your own eyes."

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Mariah W.'s avatar

❤️

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Stephan Califano's avatar

Tracy, your Dad was a wonderful man and I miss him too. Just remember that you do have friends who don’t mind how many times you ask for help because these are people who care.

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Sandra Pawula's avatar

Tracy, My heart is with you. There is so much mixed together in this experience—the loss of your father but also facing aging alone. I resonate with so much of what you've shared. I'm also another spoonie who sees the eye doctor every 6 months, sometimes more often.

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