Welcome to Soulful Sunday for September 10, 2023
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You Got This
When you’re struggling with a personal or professional problem, do you have a process you follow to resolve the issue, or do you wing it?
Do you reflect on the challenge and how you’ll handle it, or do you bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away?
Do you ask others for help or their opinion, or go it alone?
Regardless of how you answered these questions, I’m sure you’ve received encouraging words from a friend or family member when experiencing a difficult time. You may have been told You Got This when sharing a concern.
I’ve used the phrase to show my confidence in another.
Regardless of the words used, most of us want to be encouraged. Whether you’re questioning your ability or the steps you need to take, you want to know you’re not alone.
When my son played sports, I rarely missed a game. After years of being a cheerleader, sitting quietly in the stands was hard. As he approached the batter’s box, I did my best to let him know I believed in him. Whether it was a quiet sign we had developed or an outright, You Got This, it was hard not to show my support.
I didn’t consider this phrase until today when I saw the words glittering in gold on my desk. It dawned on me that while my intentions were always good, the saying You Got This may have missed the mark.
Most days during the past few years, I’ve picked up this book of inspiration, looking for hope or answers. Some days, I need to be reminded how far I’ve come or where I’m headed.
When I searched for inspiration today after a particularly challenging week, these are the words that jumped out at me:
With a heavy sigh, I knew the words were exactly what I needed to see today.
I needed encouragement.
I also needed hope, rest, and support.
Most of all, I needed to be reminded it’s okay to need help.
Asking for help
I don’t often write about this aspect of my life, but it’s important to share it with those dealing with chronic health issues or struggling with loss or fear of change because, in all of these instances, asking for help may be difficult.
I was raised to be strong and independent. I prided myself on the ability to be both. But when I became too sick to care for myself in my early 20s, I had to learn to ask for and accept help. It was the most humbling experience, and it never got easy.
There are still times I need help because of my condition. It’s still not easy, but I’ve learned to set my pride aside and know that those willing to help do so because of love.
We all have days when we struggle to find the strength we need to keep going.
For those closest to me, it’s easy to know when I’m having a bad day. One look, and they know my body is not cooperating or my thoughts are swirling with feelings of pain or worry.
These days, I don’t want to hear, You Got This because I’m not sure I do.
I’m probably more concerned about getting from point A to point B or managing my day.
I’m not suggesting encouragement isn’t welcome. Instead, I acknowledge words can be hollow and miss the mark when someone is in need.
Years ago, when every day was a struggle and my life was uncertain, I needed as much encouragement as possible.
Being ill and isolated, a single parent and a mother/caregiver to a sick and isolated child meant social interactions with friends or family were few and far between. Being alone was a part of life.
I didn’t have the time or energy to call a friend. When I did, I worried about sharing my concerns because I didn’t want to burden them with issues that were mine to bear.
It’s human nature to seek out positive and uplifting people who leave you feeling good about yourself. When you can’t offer that to another, it becomes easier to withdraw and remain isolated.
Today is a day I would have withdrawn. I would have kept to myself and let the thoughts swirl in my head endlessly until the day ended.
But I’m able to handle these hard days differently now.
For one, I’m writing about them and sharing them. I’m no longer keeping my thoughts hidden on the page of a journal.
I’m bringing forth my experience with chronic illness as an example for those who may need love, support, or a kind word.
By sharing my vulnerability, I hope to help caregivers understand that encouragement is a part of healing. It’s needed in different ways at different times. It may look different for everyone, but everyone can benefit from genuine encouragement.
So today, instead of retreating to a quiet place to worry about the things I can’t control, I’ll join my colleagues at a special event. My thoughts may not be where I’d like them, but I know that putting one foot in front of the other is the only way to the other side.
Experience has taught me that the path of life is never straight, and the twists and turns that seem to appear abruptly are part of living.
Reminders are hard
This past week, after traveling to see one of the specialists who manages my autoimmune condition, I was reminded that my illness is still a part of me. While I could point to minor improvements from the previous appointment, I had to acknowledge the setbacks I’ve experienced, too.
I was forced again to face the reality of my condition.
It’s been four days since I sat in the office of a leading neurologist and reviewed my recent test results. The conversation replays in my mind.
Limited options that are not covered by insurance.
I left the office, anxious to get home, thinking what’s next.
The trip home, which usually takes 4 hours, turned into eight due to travel issues. Navigating alternate means of transportation while dealing with the heat, humidity, crowds, and overstimulation of New York City left me completely drained.
Less than 6 hours after finally laying my head on a pillow, my alarm went off, and my day began again. It was only Wednesday.
I’ve yet to regroup and find time to rest adequately.
My body and my mind are still tired.
My muscles and joints ache from the miles of unplanned walking.
My feet are swollen and sore, and a headache persists.
Chronic illness is not for the faint of heart.
When I first became ill, I clung to the belief that my thoughts mattered and that positive thinking could change the course of a day, month, or year.
Twenty-five years later, I know for sure my thoughts matter.
I also know:
The importance and power of positive thinking.
I know mindfulness and a gratitude practice are the difference between hope and despair.
Meditation is essential to calm my mind and my nervous system.
Resting my body is critical when my illness flares.
My strength and resilience will kick in again and get me where I need to go.
Until then, I’ve realized that encouraging someone with words such as You Got This may sound empty and leave the person you intended to help to feel less empowered than when you started.
The need for inspiration and the gift of encouragement
Despite this new realization, I’ll continue looking for inspiration inside my book because it’s a habit with many benefits. But, instead of offering encouragement through words, I’ll be sure to provide my support in different ways.
I’ll ask how to ease their worry, fear, or anxiety.
I’ll listen with compassion and empathy.
I’ll offer small gestures that may make a difference: a hug or an unexpected visit, a meal, or a call to let them know they’re on my mind.
I’ll admit I may not know how best to help, but I’m willing to learn.
Sometimes, that’s the best gift we can give another.
This article is very inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
I know that You Got THIS can seem like an empty phrase, however you have persevered through years of illness for you and Jack with courage and determination,You alone are the reason that has gotten the help he needed.Your search for information has never stopped.your Dad would be so proud as I am.