Dating after my divorce was the last thing on my mind. I was drained and happy to be alone and at peace. I remained that way for several years. I focused on raising my son and healing from infidelity.
In time, I realized I was too young to give up on dating. But everything had changed.
My outlook, my approach, and how I met people. Fast forward more than ten years, and things have changed even more.
Thirty percent of adults over 50 in the U.S. are single, according to 2023 data from the Pew Research Center.
Many older singles are dating.
Even “The Bachelor” is getting into the older dating game.
Tune into ABC, and you can watch “The Golden Bachelor,” featuring Gerry Turner, a 72-year-old widower from Indiana, and a group of women over 60 competing for his affection.
Many hope the show will break social barriers around dating for older adults.
I haven’t seen the show, but I’ve dated at different ages and stages, in my 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s.
Is dating after 50 different?
Yes, it is, in many ways.
For starters:
The pool of potential dates is smaller in your 50s than when you dated in your 30s.
While 31% of U.S. adults are single – unmarried, living with a partner, or in a committed romantic relationship – the numbers vary across demographic groups.
Men are more likely to be single before the age of 30:
51% of males from 18 to 29 are single
27% of those 30 to 64
21% over 65
Women, by contrast, are more likely to be single later in life:
49% of women over age 65 are single
29% ages 50 to 64
32% ages 18 to 29
19%, ages 30 to 49
These differences mean it’s often more difficult for women than men to find a partner after 50.
Many older adults struggle to find new connections and meet potential partners.
The changes in dating etiquette add to the challenges in your 50s and beyond.
47% of Americans say dating is harder now than ten years ago.
In the 1950s, my parents were introduced by family. They met at a pre-arranged dinner at a family’s home. The rest was history, and they were together for 67 years.
My sister, who’s been married for nearly forty years, married the son of one of my parents’ friends. They grew up together and reconnected after college.
The days of family introductions have been replaced by online dating and dating apps, something many older adults, including myself, shy away from.
Younger partnered adults are far more likely to have met online than older adults, and the numbers drop as you age:
21% of those ages 18 to 29 met online
15% of those 30 to 49
8% of those 50 to 64
Older daters tend to be more selective.
They know what they’re looking for and have a better understanding of what’s important to them.
Many, like me, have a mental list of ‘dealbreakers’ that they refer to when meeting potential dates.
Many adults over 50 are widowed or divorced and have gathered hard-won lessons about relationships.
They’re careful not to make the same mistakes, or they’ve decided they’d rather be on their own after the death of a treasured partner.
Older daters look for different qualities in a potential partner.
When you have a lifetime of experience and are no longer planning to have children, the qualities you look for differ.
You also tend to know yourself better and have a clearer idea of what you want.
Francine Russo, author of “Love After 50: How to Find It, Enjoy It, and Keep It,” notes older adults are looking for certain emotional qualities. “And if they’re in a relationship which is not satisfying, they think, ‘I don’t want this, I want something better for myself.’”
The benefits of dating after 50
Despite the many ways dating after 50 differs, relationship experts and many over-50 daters note there are surprising benefits to dating after 50.
There’s less pressure to find the perfect future parent.
When people are in their 20s, they’re looking for a life partner and, in many cases, a parent for their children.
Younger people may also look for partners with certain educational backgrounds or religious beliefs with which to start a family.
Older daters are more sure of themselves.
They tend to be more self-aware and more in tune when something doesn’t feel right.
Older daters are more likely to move on without hurt feelings.
After my divorce and in my 40s, a friend nicknamed me a ‘one-date wonder.’ Surprised when I didn’t give someone a second chance, I explained that I had missed important signs before I got married, and I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. As a result, I learned to listen to my intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, I don’t accept a second invitation.
Those over 50 are less likely to compromise, even when the dating pool gets smaller.
I didn’t expect to be single in my 40s or 50s, but I’ve made peace that the odds of meeting someone at 60 or beyond are less than during the past 20 years.
Will I try online dating or dating apps to increase the odds? I don’t think so. But I will leave myself open to meeting someone should the right person cross my path.
In the meantime, I’ll curl up on the couch with my dog, and maybe I’ll tune in to “The Golden Bachelor” and see how he made out.
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Until next week, be mindful and stay safe.
As usual, your thoughts are clear and concise. And you deserve the best,so never settle.
You are a wise women Tracy Mansolillo! You will know when ya know & no settling for almost right.
:-) m