I’m celebrating another year around the sun this week.
It’s led me to reflect on the big picture and ensure I do everything possible to avoid regrets.
No one wants to reach the end of their life and look back at what could’ve been.
Especially when you’ve reached an age with more miles behind you than ahead.
Time is a commodity. Once it’s past, it’s gone.
The good news is you can choose how to spend your time.
How will you spend it?
Bronnie Ware, author of the internationally bestselling memoir, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” worked in palliative care, where she tended to those nearing the end of their lives. Ware’s life was transformed during that time, and she later wrote about the most common regrets the people she had cared for had expressed, including:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so much.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This list makes it easy to see why many people have regrets.
I’ve been guilty of all these, but fortunately, I learned what I needed to change to avoid future regrets.
Thinking Differently, Avoiding Regrets
Making changes wasn’t easy. A ‘one and done’ approach did not work.
Instead, I committed to making conscious daily decisions to balance my responsibilities.
Some days are more efficient than others.
On many occasions, my to-do lists remain untouched because of things beyond my control: an emergency at work, a family member in need, or a setback due to my health.
But there are many things I do control.
I choose to be happy, although there are reasons to be sad.
I find joy despite despair.
I let go of expectations that no longer serve me.
I express gratitude for the blessings that surround me.
These small shifts in perspective help keep me grounded. When that’s not enough, I turn to meditation and the other tools in my adversity toolkit.
I also practice how I think.
It may sound odd to practice thinking, but by being deliberate in your thinking, you have a better chance of controlling the outcome.
In her newsletter Changing the Channel, Kristina Powers discusses ‘letting go of social conditioning (the ‘shoulds’) to live a life aligned with your true self and deepest values.’ In the recent article, she also writes about her decision to move to Italy: “The way we live in the US is not normal.” Powers notes:
I realized there are other places in the world … where life isn't about conspicuous consumption and "crushing" and "killing" your life goals… There are places where people have free time and where that free time is used to do things they love — not to start a side hustle.
Boy, did this resonate with me!
At one time, ‘crushing’ it was all I knew. Eighty-hour work weeks were the norm. Time with family and friends was limited and scheduled around work, not the other way around.
Becoming ill at 26 ended all that for me. It served as a wake-up call that something had to change. Of course I didn’t see it like that for many years, but hindsight is so enlightening!
The years of uncertainty that followed the onset of my illness taught me valuable lessons- lessons I like to revisit each year on my birthday:
Happiness is a choice regardless of the circumstances you face.
There are many ways to find fulfillment. If one door closes, look for the one that opens.
Make choices aligned with your hopes, goals, or desires – they’ll impact your life in meaningful ways.
Say yes to new opportunities and embrace change despite the fear.
If the concept of thinking differently today to avoid regrets tomorrow is new, here are a few questions that may help you get started.
What does it mean to be happy?
How do I want to spend the next year(s) of my life?
What’s really important to me, and can I prioritize it in my life?
Am I living in a way that fulfills my life’s purpose?
If you have a different approach that’s working for you, I’d love to learn more. If you’re not sure how to find your purpose, reach out. I’d love to discuss it with you.
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Until next week, be mindful and stay safe.
Happy birthday. Sadly the first spoken regret is something I’m struggling with and will unfortunately for life. When you are in the thick of people pleasing you will lose out on so many opportunities. You don’t realize it until you are well past over it.
Happy Birthday Tracy! 🥳🎂🥂
A lovely post, that really resonated with me as I embark on my mid-life Gap Year, why wait until you have to stop, do it now. 😃👍👏